Myself Again (Just Stuff)

"I"m Sorry"
"I'm Sorry, too"

That's all it took.

I feel like myself again.

Went to the gym.

I need to wear some bagging sweatpants next time. Them old men give me the creaps at 5 30 in the morning.

I'm energized.

I got to work on time. Not early. Not late. Just right.

I can't wait to get my wig tossed after work. I need a clean-up.

I spent $70.00 at the cleaners yesterday! I wish I could put my jeans in the wash. Can't risk it.
Don't wanna wake up one morning and not be able to pull them bad boys up cuz of shrinkage!


Don't you know i broke down last weekend? I mean I was doing some Vivian Greene Emotional Rollercoaster type stuff. I bought a new suit from Banana Republic Online. It came. I tried it on....too small. Too tight. Size 2 blazer. Size 4 skirt.
It just hit me. I will never be back there.
I just broke down. Crying.....and laughing cuz I'm crying.
This was also a bad day, cuz I was sore from exercising...remember me working out?
So, I'm in pain, my new suit is too small, and I had a revelation.
I just broke down. "I'm fat! I'm only 23! I haven't bore any children, yet!"
My mom was like "KC! Are you serious?...KC?...KC?
I didn't even know if I was serious. I was crying (I mean sobbing)...but I was laughing too
Very strange moment in time.
I know I'm not fat. I just remember a time when I didn't have to worry about something not fitting me.
My sis was home. She helped me realize how ridiculous I was being. I was glad to see her.


But, I'm myself again. I'm good.

Flaws and All

I was so mean. I was so angry.

I didn't SAY anything. It was just my attitude.

Sometimes I get like that.

You just really irrated me last night. I'm not sure why.

I just wish you wouldn't play ALL the time.

I love when you play. I play too.

It was really weird. This feeling just overwhelmed me all of a sudden.

You said you felt like i was really bothered by you.

Not by you. By something.

I'm so retarded sometimes.

Who gets mad for no reason. or

Who gets mad and doesn't know the reason.

RE TAR DED

I'm a brat, though? WTF?

Maybe.

That was the water to the grease fire, right there.

It's so stupid.

I feel really bad.

Today, no one said anything about it.

There was no real argument.

We've never had a real argument.

Just silence.

That can't be good.

I don't talk...it doesn't help that you won't talk either.

Maybe because you don't know what to say.

You don't know how to respond because you don't know what you'd be responding to

I want to say I'm sorry. But, I don't know what I'm sorry for.

I shouldn't have to apologize for my feelings...

Maybe I should since I don't know where they came from.

When you talked to me today, it wasn't the same.

No "good morning, baby"

No laughing. I didn't get my morning laugh from you.

Same thing just a minute ago

Today sucks because of that.

I have to make it right.

I know your waiting for me to explain, say something, do something.

I guess I am responsible.

I need to see you today.

"Every now and then without warning...I can be really mean toward you" (Flaws and All)

On My Heart Today

I'm a train wreck in the morning...

I'm a bitch in the afternoon...

Every now and then without warning...

I can be really mean toward you...

I'm a puzzle yes indeed...

Very complex in every way...

And all the pieces aren't even in the box...

And yet...

You see the picture clear as day...

I don't know why you love me...

And that's why I love you...

You catch me when I fall...

Accept me flaws and all...

And that's why I love you...

Beyonce "Flaws and All"

This is Me

Remember young Forrest who had to have his legs straightened with braces. Well, I feel like I got em too.

My fat behind went to the gym yesterday morning and my personal trainer decides he wants to do a whole hour of leg exercises. By the end of the work-out I felt like my legs were going to buckle. That buckling feeling never went away. The degree changed significantly, though. What I wouldn't give to have the same degree of pain as yesterday.

It all started around 11:00pm last night. I was sitting in POSH (very cool restaurant...11th and H NW) with my dahling when suddenly I felt this horrid pain in my buttocks. I thought "boy, these booths aren't particularly comfortable." I then, I go to adjust myself, which requires me to move my legs, as soon as I do, this horrid pain shoots though my thighs (inner, outer, and in between). I squeal in unexpected agony. I draw attention to myself through-out the restaurant. The bar tender and hostess almost brake their necks trying to figure out who's causing chaos in their perfect little restaurant. A look of concern, embarrassment, and disbelief appear on my dahling's face. (in that order) But he understands my pain. His muscles are in shock too after his workout that day.

We start to get up to leave, and I am cursing out my personal trainer in my head for every minute he had me do squats and lunges. I want to cry my legs are in so much pain. Then I think to myself, "I haven't even gone to bed yet!...it's going to be pure hell in the morning!"

If you had been there when my dahling and I returned home, you would have been confused. We appeared to have been in some horrible brawl only there were no visible bumps and bruises. We looked like a couple of old people. Backs bent over. Walking with a limp. Slowly bracing ourselves to lay on the bed. Asking each other to get things for the other. "Owhoul...babe had me that..." and "Sweetie can you get me the........wheew!" Faces scrunched in pain. LOL. It was a sight to see.

The next morning, I wake up and of course the pain has been magnified 20 times 20. Forgive me ya'll for this but...I went to use the bathroom...oh my...well lets just say I have new profound gratefulness for working limbs. When I get done I have to rock back and forth for momentum to get off the toilet because I can't trust my legs to bring me up. Getting dressed WAS A CHORE.

And now I'm at work walking around like a cripple. Looking straight like young Forrest with braces on his legs.....matter fact...picture the walk of a 400 pound man with arthritis.

I can't wait to get home and not move a muscle.

Why?

Now...I love my girl Bee but....dag...



Is anyone else sick of seeing her crawling on the floor/ground/bench/beach/car/...jay's lap?



This heffa's got like 7 new videos out and in EACH and EVERY one of them she is doin' the slow exaggerated crawl to get to.....nowhere.



Bee why are you crawling? In which part of the track did it express emotions to which one would respond with a slow crawl?



Her knees gotsta be black! Don't you think? I hope she's cocoabuttering them thangs up.



And the costuming sometimes is just so over the top. Now, I know she's sexy and all but dag...I just don't wanna see all that sometimes. I mean she could just cover up SOMETIMES! The "Greenlight" video really pissed me off! It was just too much. or maybe it's just because I was watching all the videos back to back. Whatever. I had had enough by the time I was finished.



But regardless of so much EXTRA Bee's got going on, she is still doin' it and I have much respect for her.



Bee... only in moderation.